JOKES

 

Cigarette: 

A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

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Love affairs: 

Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

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Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master 

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Divorce: 

Future tense of marriage

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Lecture: 

An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

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Conference: 

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

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Compromise: 

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

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Tears: 

The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .

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Dictionary: 

A place where divorce comes before marriage. 

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Conference Room: 

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

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Ecstasy: 

A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

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Classic: 

A book which people praise, but do not read. 

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Smile: 

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

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Office: 

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. 

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Yawn: 

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

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Etc: 

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

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Committee: 

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. 

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Experience: 

The name men give to their mistakes.

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Atom Bomb: 

An invention to end all inventions.

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Philosopher: 

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

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Diplomat: 

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

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Opportunist: 

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

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Optimist: 

A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.

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Pessimist:

A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY 

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Miser: 

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

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Father: 

A banker provided by nature.

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Criminal: 

A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught. 

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Boss: 

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

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Politician: 

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

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Doctor: 

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.